Acceptance?

Acceptance?

I wrote this in response to an ongoing discussion on that bastion of fluffitude, Wiccan Together. A particular person—a self-proclaimed “Wiccan” whose total experience was in reading one book by $RW and allegedly “practicing for 8 months” but then said they’d also observed a full Wheel of the Year’s worth of sabbats-- decided that they wanted to set up a website to educate all the Christians about how Wiccans and witches were just like them, yadda yadda. Of course, whilst one may appreciate the sentiments behind the over-zealousness of this newbie bookwitch, it was pointed out that they don’t know enough to even hold a conversation with another pagan or witch or Wiccan. (Some of it was snarked on elsewhere, in particular the OP alleged that Wicca is 50,000 years old and Christianity wasn’t even 500 years old. Oookay…) As those of the $ilver Ravenwolf Arrogance & Ignorance Tradition are wont to do, it attacked any of us who tried to point out flaws in its thinking, gaps in its knowledge and so on.

The person who inspired this particular post wasn’t siding with the OP, they were clearly supporting the few of us rational and long-term practitioner’s POV that teaching --- if done—should be left to those who are qualified; in other words, not left to utter n00bs with an imaginary degree in $RW playganism and fadcraft who can’t speak or express themselves clearly and who haven’t had experience in any real world forms of paganism, magick and mystery traditions. But something the poster said stuck a nerve in me, and hence we have this post.

Whilst I think that if a person of another religious path wants to know more about paganism we should tell them, I don’t think we should strive for “acceptance” amongst them, or go out of our way to systematically “educate” or be “in your face” (so to speak) the way they are about their paths. We tend as a loose collective to have a different approach, and most of the paths & systems under paganism are veiled—for instance Wiccans are known as “the Hidden Children of the Goddess”, not out of fear, but because their mysteries are not for all. Many paths have similar modes of thought. We have a quieter, gentler approach, and many of the other paths have mysteries at their heart which they do not wish to sully by holding them up to be pawed over by bored spiritual tourists like trashy paperbacks in the bargain bin at the local chain bookseller. I’m not saying that our approach is better (although I prefer it); it just is how we work. (Except for fadcrafters and those leaping on the pagan bandwagon without knowing much about the various and individual paganisms—they tend to try to overlay the practices and beliefs of their former paths on to ours, e.g. Jesus & Mary as “the god” and “the goddess”, Christian ethics on systems that already have developed ethical platforms, proselytising, the idea of victimhood being a sign of legitimacy, etc. and thus are not really practicing any form of paganism-- and certainly not Wicca or Celtic Reconstructionism or whatnot).

In a healthy individual, our self-esteem and self-worth should come from within ourselves, and as pagans, witches and so on, we don’t need the approval or acceptance or tolerance of other religions, particularly the mainstream religions—they are not our conscience, nor do we answer to them in any way. They don’t ask us for validation, we need not ask them. I don’t say this out of aggression, but because as I grow more and more into late adulthood, I realize a lot of my time had been spent in the past worrying about things I can’t control. Once I recognised that validation is within me, it made it much easier to live. Granted, I do not recognise many so-called “pagans” as pagans. This does not mean that they are not human beings and special people on their own, but they simply do not fit the bill for what I’d consider pagan, and I don’t accept them, nor do I want them speaking for us. This will be a litmus test: if they are healthy people, my non-acceptance of them won’t matter. If they are posers, they’ll kick up a fuss.

Enjoy.

**

[Name withheld], I agree with some of your sentiments, but one thing you said doesn’t sit quite right with me. You said: “I think acceptance is the one thing that we all wish for.”

I beg to differ. My sense of acceptance does not come from others. I mean this in an overall sense, not merely what I should feel as a witch, Thelemite and Hellenic polytheist. I do not need others to make me feel wanted, valued, necessary, useful and worthy. Those feelings come from within me; I am complete human being on my own and do not need the acceptance or approval of others to feel anything. No one “makes” me feel anything I do not choose to feel, and my self-esteem and self-worth are not based on the opinions of others. I also credit my gods and those beautiful, established, well-functioning spiritual paradigms in which I work and gave and trained and studied in for helping to shape who I am, but again, that is not part of what makes me “accepted” or not in the eyes of the public. I could care less what the general public thinks, and whilst I do wish to conduct myself in ways that are a credit to may paths, to my loved ones and to those I honour as “fellow travellers”, I know that if I base my self-worth on what others think it is not a true picture of who and what I am.

Specifically when it comes to my paths & trads and the magick and neo-pagan communities overall, my sense of “belonging” is not shaped by outsiders to my paths. If it were I’d have to act all blue and tragic as the general population of so-called “pagans” certainly don’t like me and others of my ilk, nor do they recognise my paths. I say this as we’ve all heard the asinine statements that many of these so-called “pagans” make:
* “all pagans are earth worshippers”—they deny my existence as a pagan as I am not an earth-worshipper
* “all pagans are nature worshippers—again they deny my existence as I do not worship nature
* “no pagan believes in the devil or Satan”—I do, Satan is part of the Christian “pantheon” and if my gods exist then I expect theirs may, too
* “no pagan would use blood in magick”—this invalidates not only me but many other paths with a practice & history of blood in magical practice
* “all pagans believe the same things”—absolutely not, this is one of the most damaging assumptions and is why most popular “Pagan” authors should be ignored and their books left to rot, such an assumption invalidates many paths
* “all pagans worship “the god” and “the goddess”—wrong again, another myth of the bookwitchery crowd, this nonsense invalidates many paths
* “all pagans believe that all gods are one god and all goddesses are one goddess”—no, not all of us believe that and some of us find that disrespectful and silly (especially as that is a truncated quote from Christian occultist Dion Fortune and many so-called “pagans” do not realise that she isn’t talking about soft polytheism, she is talking about all deities being just aspects of the Christian god. The entire quote is “All gods are one god and all goddesses are one goddess, and there is one initiator.” The initiator she is referring to is Jesus. This abused axiom invalidates many other modes of thought when it comes to the nature of divinity.

There are many other examples I could give, but those are the ones that bug me most or that I have heard most recently. All of those invalidate me and many other pagans, from within what are allegedly “our own ranks”. No thank you.

Frankly, I don’t want the average so-called “pagan” to accept me anyway. I do not wish to be lumped in with mushy-minded fadhoppers who think paganism and wicca mean “make it up as you go along, like totally!!11”. I don’t want to be lumped in with intellectually lazy, ethically bereft (they don’t have to be my ethics, but they need to have carefully considered, well thought-out ethical platforms, not just simper and toss out that much abused “harm none” platitude), or be mistaken for fruitloops who have the reputation of being flaky, unreliable and rebellious just for the sake of being “different”.

As for when the people of other religions come to my door? It depends. If they are willing to engage in a civilized dialogue about religions, spirituality and are willing to really listen to my opinions on the matter—AND conduct themselves as expected of a guest in someone’s home-- then yes. I will listen to them, they can listen to me, and we can discuss these things. Sadly, most of the time the door-knockers are so woefully ignorant of basic theology—even of their own paths—that the discussion breaks down the first time I use a term like “henotheism”. And if they are not willing to adhere to the standards I listed prior, I don’t bother with them.

As for setting out to deliberately educate mainstream religionists about my paths—I already do this, with professional clergy of other paths locally and in some of the other places where I’ve lived and where I go to teach. But this isn’t a job for “Lady FireShadowCatDragonCrystalRavenMoonUnity” whose total training has been reading some $ilver Ravenwolf, watching Charmed and yammering away on message boards with other posers. Any “educating” on these matters should be left to those who have the education and background to speak well and represent us all fairly. In short, I don’t want blathering idiots playing dress up pretending they speak for Wicca or whatnot, I want well-educated, long-term practicing, cross-initiated, professionally appearing, rational, functioning citizens of “normal” society speaking for me. Sure there are many of us that are a bit “fringe”, but there is a difference between being part of “fringe” subsets and being ignorant, loudmouthed, and latching onto paganism as a convenient way to seem a bit special or spooky, or to advance some other agenda (like trawling for occult-flavoured sex, or to rebel against Christianity, or to gather mindless followers to worship them as some deity because you didn’t get enough hugs form mummy as a child).

It sucks in some ways, but in order to be taken seriously in this world, we have to play by the rules of society. A person who want to represent us needs to bathe regularly and raise their children well, and not be a societal burden, and not think they are above the law, or screech about imagined persecution or whatnot. They need to work hard, study hard and play hard. They need to be well-rounded individuals, and have an in-depth knowledge of all sorts of pagan and esoteric paths from the inside, not just fadcraft or bookwitchery. They need to present themselves proudly as the sort of people the average person would want to be around, for the most part. Sure they should be individuals and be as unique and special as they like—but if they are going to play on a public scale to a mainstream audience, then they need to be the sort that that audience will relate to, or else the message is lost. This is where the “all pagans are X”, $ilver Ravenwolf reading fadhoppers fail. This is where the angry former Christians who aren’t so much pagan but more just rallying against Christianity let us down (which I think may be a large percentage of the so-called “pagans” out there), and this is where the creeps, the degenerates and the frauds who join paganism as a place to “hide” and commit their unsavoury acts lower our ability to be taken seriously—even by other pagans—give us an unneeded reputation. I don’t want their acceptance, and I don’t recognise them as fellow pagans.

But like I said, acceptance comes from within ourselves, and I suspect if more of these so-called “pagans” that I listed in the preceding paragraph had healthy self-esteem and normal emotional health, there’d be less issues and less of them grabbing our labels and trying to say they are part of our communities, and hence, less of an urge to “educate” outsiders on paths that most of them really don’t care to know about. It isn’t the hardworking, normal seeming, well-rounded and properly trained and educated pagans who are screeching about “ZOMG edumacating dem thar eville Christians!!1!!”, it is the fadhoppers who feel a deep lack of acceptance within themselves.

Copyright ©2008 Rachael M. Roth (aka SunVenus). All Rights Reserved. This essay may not be reposted or used anywhere without the express written consent of the author. la235 @ hotmail.com (Remove spaces to email me.)